Ob-la-di Ob-la-da

On your birthday, people tend to ask you how it feels to be a year older? More often than not, you reply with something like, “No different than it did last year.” As I sit here, on my 27th birthday, I can most confidently say that today I feel completely different than I did at 26. … 27 feels free!

A lot has happened between July 14, 2013 and July 14, 2014. When I turned 26, I felt a mixture of hope and despair. My ex-husband had left me the week prior, I hoped beyond all hope he would come back, yet I knew deep down that was never going to happen. When that idea eventually sunk in, I despaired over the fact that I had been so in love with a great man who, in reality, was not even a good man. Eventually, as more and more people began to tell me, “Give it a year, you’ll be just fine.” I began to hope for the future.

26 became a year of figuring out how to break the mold that my ex-husband mangled me in to, how to push past the barriers he set up all around me, how to rise above the lies he told me, how to become the person I was meant to be … not the person he told me I was.

I  branched out and began to do things that he never would have allowed me to do. You tend to consume your time with things that are most important to you. One of the most important parts of my life is my furbaby, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Marlo. Her Instagram account (@marloanncavalier) is followed by over 1500 accounts, and I have gotten to personally know many of them. Our hearts and lives have connected via our Cavaliers, but even more than that, I have connected with them on a deeper level … the most important part of my life. A life centered around God. God brought these people into my life when He knew I needed them most, and he used Marlo Ann to make it happen.

That being said, 26 contained a lot of Cavaliers! There was Marlo’s first birthday party here in Ohio, a Memorial Day Cavalier Pawty in Chicago, and most recently, Cavalier Rescue USA. There are three things I absolutely love in life (God, family, and friends are a given!) (1.) Marlo (2.) Road Trips (3.) Cavaliers (… are we noticing a trend here?) As a Cavalier Rescue volunteer, I get to combine all three! Marlo and I had the pleasure of transporting two beautiful female Cavaliers, across the Ohio border, to their new foster homes in Indiana. Please take a second to visit www.cavalierrescueusa.org … you just may find your forever friend!

26 was the year I found a hobby! I found that I really enjoy sewing and began learning how to make things for Marlo (surprise surprise). I even opened up an Etsy shop! www.etsy.com/shop/marloannsboutique.

Throughout the year, I have been asked (more times than I can count), “When are you going to start dating again?” Well … the truth is, I have no desire to do so right now. As I said, I’m figuring out who I am … who I was meant to be. I’m enjoying spending time with my Cavalier and like-minded friends. I’m enjoying this new found freedom. I’m enjoying finding out that I can be happy without a man around … especially when I was so unhappy with a man around. That’s not to say that I won’t change my mind if/when the right one comes around. But, for now, I’m definitely not looking.

So, here I am, a year later, and all of the people who told me I’d be just fine, were 110% correct. Not only am I “just fine,” I’m so much better off.

I do believe 27 is going to be a wonderful year!

My Personal Hero

As a child, you believe your Dad is a real life Super Hero. He can do anything and fix everything! He’s strong, handsome, and you believe that when you grow up, you will marry someone just like your Daddy.

As a teenager, you believe you know everything, yet somehow, your dad still knows more. He cramps your style, he embarrasses you “for your own protection,” and, you would never admit it out loud, but your dad is still as strong as a Super Hero.

As an adult, you realize your dad, strong as he is, has a vulnerable side. He’s a regular person whom you have hurt, made proud, subjected to worry, filled with joy, surprised, and exasperated. Yet, this regular man has sacrificed everything, worked incredible hours, gone without sleep to make it to every soccer game and band competition (home and away), just to make your world a better place.

My Dad, regular person that he is, is my personal Super Hero. He doesn’t fly or wear a cape. He doesn’t have X-ray vision or spider webs that shoot from his wrists. His drive, determination, love, and support are his super powers.

When my ex-husband left me, I saw my Dad’s vulnerable side. I saw his heart break as my heart was breaking. I saw his protective drive set into motion, I saw him still want to make my world a better place.
I see the way he looks at my Mom, with a pure love that can only come from his heart and his soul, and I know that I will one day find a man just like my Daddy. I saw the way he welcomed me back into their home and had no problem with me bringing my little girl (ok, my furbaby….ok, my dog) along. I see the way he cuddles her and talks to her (yes, my dog) and I know that he will one day be a Super Grandpa. My Dad’s softness isn’t a weakness, it makes him even more powerful.

I will never be able to thank you enough, Daddy, for the love you have shown me, the way you treat my little girl just because you know how precious she is to me, for always being there for me, and for all you have sacrificed to make my world a better place. You truly are my personal Super Hero.

Selfless Love

Today is Mother’s Day! So, of course, I’m going to use this blog post to share a little of my Mom with you.

When I say that my Mother is one the most selfless women I have ever known, it’s only because she shares the title with her own mother. She has sacrificed so much for her family – not just her husband and kids, but my Grandma as well.

My Mom is the 9th out of 10 kids. So, my Grandma was older when my Mom was born. My Mom has always described her relationship with my Grandma as being her best friend. So, it was no surprise that when my Grandma needed assisted living (and my parents were raising 4 kids, 8 years old and younger) that my dad added on 3 bedrooms and a bathroom to our home so that my Grandma could move in with us. My parents were both in their early thirties.

My Grandma lived with us for 8 years, and during that time, she had severe rheumatoid arthritis, both of her legs amputated, a broken neck, strokes, and dementia. She lost her ability to communicate with us and was always in a state of confusion, but had always expressed to my Mom that her worst fear was being put in a nursing home. So, my Mom took care of her. My Mom selflessly and lovingly took care of her Mom, her four kids, her husband, and her home. Like most mothers, she didn’t have only her career (teaching piano out of our home), she was a nurse, a teacher, a chef, a housekeeper, a taxi driver, a therapist, the list goes on and on.
She never slowed down, never took a free minute for herself. She always has, and always will, sacrifice what she has for those she loves. She has such an incredible servant’s heart.

That servant’s heart developed an irregular heartbeat (mitral valve prolapse), due to the stress and exhaustion during that season of her life, but she never once complained (she picked up that trait from my Grandma!).
Eventually, the doctor told my Mom that she would end up in the ground, before my Grandma, if she kept going at the same pace.
I saw my Mom so direly conflicted. She knew my Grandma’s fear and she knew she didn’t want to leave her own kids without a Mother. After a difficult and emotional struggle, my Mom moved my Grandma into a nursing home about 5 minutes down the road from where my parents live. My Grandma must have sensed how difficult this decision was on my Mom because God granted her the clarity to form two distinguishable words (she had declined to only being able to speak in a gibberish state by that point). She looked at my Mom and said, “you’re mine.” That nursing home became my Mom’s second home.

So evident was the mutual love, friendship, respect, sacrifice, and appreciation these two women shared during the course of my Grandma’s life. I am so incredibly grateful to my Grandma for raising my Mom to be such a beautiful person, inside and out. My Grandma left us a legacy and my Mom is living a life that will leave the same impact. A life of embodying Christ and pouring out God’s love, an attitude of discipleship, a heart for serving others and expecting absolutely nothing in return.
I am so proud to be able to call my Mom my best friend and so thankful that my siblings and I were blessed with being able to grow up in a home that was so completely full of the most selfless love.

Sticks And Stones

I have put off writing this blog for a few weeks. I knew it was a topic I wanted to write about, but doing so forced me to relive some pretty painful memories.
The reason I wanted to write about this topic is because I know there are so many people (men and women alike) who deal with this on a daily basis. There are those of you who deny this exists in your life and put on a cloak of disguise. You create a happy exterior while your interior is crumbling. You are a victim of verbal abuse.

In my first blog post, I conveyed to you that I had been a victim of abuse (in every sense of the word) during my marriage. I can attest that words hurt so much more than slaps, pushes, and falls. The stinging and bruises fade and eventually there is no evidence it ever happened. Words cut deep into the soul. Words haunt you, and as you replay them in your mind, as they’re being screamed at you daily, you begin to believe those lies as the truth.

Looking back, there were many red flags that told me I shouldn’t marry the man that I married. I used to tell him that I was so afraid that he wouldn’t look at me with love in his eyes and a smile on his face as I walked down the aisle, toward him, on our wedding day. Why was I afraid of this? Because, deep down, I knew he truly did not love me. You’re probably asking yourself, “why did she go ahead and marry him if she felt this way?” I honestly can’t tell you why. His dad had passed away from cancer exactly a week before he proposed. I kept telling myself that the anger and bitterness that took hold of his heart would eventually fade. That we would end up having a marriage full of cherished love and respect. It didn’t take long after our wedding for him to convey his true feelings.

We honeymooned at a resort in Mexico. I absolutely love the beach and palm trees and was so looking forward to sharing a week of love, sun, surf, and sand with my new husband. The complete opposite happened. I believe I ended up in heartbroken tears, spending the majority of our time alone, each day we were there. At one point he threw me to the ground in our honeymoon suite, spit on me, threw his ring at me and said, “I hate you. Marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life.” I can’t remember exactly what started the whole ordeal, but I do remember it was over something petty. Something like the fact that he thought I took too many pictures and was sick of it.

On another occasion, a few months after settling into our lives together, he went on a binge of pretending I didn’t exist for three whole days … wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me, would make a completely different dinner for himself after I had already prepared a meal for the both of us. This came about because I casually mentioned that the trash was full. Later he told me that I am not allowed to tell him things like that while he is busy doing something else. … That something else was watching reruns on TV.

He had a favorite phrase he liked to throw my way, every day, just to make sure I knew where I stood in his life, “You are completely worthless. There is nothing good about you.” Then he would follow it up with, “you’re the world’s biggest idiot,” a list of traits he disliked about me, and occasionally spit on me for good measure.

Why am I telling you this? Airing this out to the public? Because I know exactly what your feeling of self doubt feels like. I lived a life with the same thoughts you have – that I will never be good enough. I asked myself the same thing you do, “How could anyone ever love me if my own husband doesn’t?” I began to believe that I was worthless, that there was nothing good about me, that I would never amount to anything.

Do you want to know what pulled me through? God did and He can pull you through too.
When I was about to hit rock bottom, I hit my knees instead.
In marriage, husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25

I didn’t know what that kind of love felt like, coming from my husband, but I began to understand what it felt like to come from God Himself. I spent my countless evenings alone reading the Bible, begging God for my husband’s heart to change, that I would one day know what it felt like to be loved by my husband. I asked Him to protect me from the lies I wanted to believe about myself. I worshipped and praised Him for the miracles I knew He could perform.

It took some time, but I began to feel a calming strength in my soul. Each time my ex-husband would begin to tear me down, I stopped breaking into tears. I started calmly telling him, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I won’t let you put me into that little box of lies anymore. I am a child of the King. He created us in His image, so there is nothing worthless about me.” Of course, he would sneer (he began to hate God, and claim God didn’t exist, after his dad passed away. Something else I believed would change with time) but standing up to him, in a respectful manner, empowered me. Truly, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phillipians 4:13).

This new interaction was a changing point in our marriage. It didn’t turn out to be the type of change I had hoped for (a lifetime of love and happiness, growing old together, holding hands in our old age) but it was a change, none-the-less. I believe my ex-husband began to get bored with the fact that his bullying rarely reduced me to tears anymore. It wasn’t too terribly much longer until he left and filed for divorce.

God rescued me through divorce. I’m not saying that’s the route everyone who suffers from being verbally, emotionally, or physically abused should take. What I’m saying is that God loves you, and a lifetime of suffering is not what He intended when He created you, or what He intended for marriage.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

I can’t begin to tell you how lonely I felt … but I was never truly alone. Neither are any of you. Please don’t let their lies turn into your own truth. God made you exactly who you are, as you are, according to His specific purpose. He loves you so much and has a plan for your life. I prayed that I would one day know what it felt like to be loved by my husband, and I truly believe I will eventually get to know what that feels like. God helped remove me from a harmful situation and, along with friends, family, and counseling, He is helping me heal.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

I still struggle when someone jokingly or dismissively says something like, “Oh, that’s stupid” but I no longer feel like that phrase defines me. These types of words and phrases do not define any one of us.

If verbal abuse is something you are enduring and struggling with, please do your best to remove yourself from the situation/relationship, find someone you can talk to (I sought out a Christian Psychologist), and most importantly remember that you are a child of the King. You are not worthless, you are incredibly valuable.

Oreo-Like Faith

My little girl (by little girl, I mean my furbaby) and I are creatures of habit…we have settled into a life of routine. Our nighttime routine goes something like this: I take Marlo outside to potty, we come back inside and I wipe her down with baby wipes (I’m allergic to grass), we brush her hair, brush her teeth, watch a tv show, then go to bed. Marlo has her own bed but it only serves as a step stool to help her crawl into the laundry basket that she prefers to sleep in. She tends to start out in the laundry basket, then jump into my bed halfway through the night.
Well, a few weeks ago, I slightly altered our routine … I grabbed a small glass of milk and an Oreo cookie as we settled in to watch tv. This prompted Marlo to forgo the laundry basket, and crawl directly into my lap. Marlo never misses an opportunity to show affection, but when you have something she wants, she takes her love and charm up to a whole new level. I usually get this look, and those big eyes make it incredibly difficult to say, “no” to her.

Watching her behavior, that night, made me wonder, “How often can we observe this type of behavior, in ourselves, when it comes to our relationship with God?” We go through our days, content with our lives, casually praying, knowing He is always there, but keeping Him suppressed in our daily routines. Then, as soon as we want something from Him, we instantly turn up our level of faith, pray more fervently, dig into His word more frequently.
We have all been there! Our walk with Christ is full of ups and downs, mountains and valleys. Our human nature is to draw closer to Him when we are in the midst of trials and to only give Him praise when something good happens. I want my relationship with Jesus to continuously grow. I don’t want to be a fair-weather Christian, to only turn to Him when it’s convenient for me, but to seek Christ and give Him thanks in each and every situation, each and every day.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 – “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Marlo and I have incorporated a glass milk and a cookie into our nighttime routine (no worries, I eat the cookie, she licks my fingers) … Each night, I am reminded of the relationship between my little girl and the cookie, and what that symbolizes in my own life.
… I’m also reminded that I keep meaning to switch out that cookie with something a little healthier. 😉

A New Beginning

There’s a saying that goes something like, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” Well, my divorce hearing was this past Friday, and I do believe, I made God laugh.

It has been nearly 9 months since my ex-husband walked out our door, never looking back. The last time I saw him (face-to-face) was when he was packing to leave, and the last time we spoke was when he told me, “It’s none of your business why I’m leaving. No, we can not discuss it.” I have, however, passed him, while driving, a handful of times. Each time, I have genuinely smiled and given a friendly wave, while he childishly stuck his nose up in the air and pretended I didn’t exist.

That’s exactly what I had planned to do during our hearing – our first encounter. Pretend he didn’t exist, none of it bothered me, and I had moved on with my life 110%. That’s most likely what made God laugh. He had plans that vastly differed from my own.

I have been attending a different church than I had been attending while married. I needed a change and felt God leading me to one church in particular. Last week was my fourth time there and I think God himself wrote the sermon, handed it to the pastor and said, “This is for Hannah.”

The main point of the service was that we, as humans, tend to set our expectations too high. When others fail to meet those expectations, we allow offense to be taken, anger and hurt to come between us, etc. Whether it be petty, trivial offenses such as cutting us off while driving, or incredibly hurtful offenses, such as your husband walking out of your marriage, God’s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness should be extended – just as Christ extended to each one of us.

Jesus was ridiculed, beaten, and died on a cross. If anyone had the right to be angry and unforgiving, it was Him. But that was the whole reason He died on that cross … to forgive each of us of our sins so that we may spend an eternity with Him in Heaven.

When put in that perspective, my whole point-of-view shifted. Couldn’t I extend love and forgiveness toward a man whom I once loved with all my heart?
Before walking into the courthouse, that was my single prayer. That God would give me the strength to show my ex-husband that, even though he no longer wanted to be married, he was still loved as a human being and I forgave him, even if he never intends on asking forgiveness.

I felt God’s presence throughout the entire ordeal … from seeing my ex for the first time to answering the Judge with a steady voice. Honestly, my heart went out to him and I found myself wanting to comfortingly wrap my arms around him. He sat there, completely alone (with the exception of his attorney) and looked absolutely miserable. I was surrounded by love and a mixture of six friends and family members. I am so grateful to have had them there. They kept me laughing and my nerves at bay!

My ex-husband, of course, never gave me the chance to personally direct that love and forgiveness toward him, as he avoided eye contact and kept his distance without saying a single word to me. But God worked in my heart, and I walked out of there as a legally single woman, with no bitterness in my heart, ready for my new beginning, and looking forward to this new season of life!

Adventure In Being Alone

There are not many people who enjoy being alone. I am one of those people.

I grew up in a family of six, including a twin sister – an instant best friend and constant companion. As you can imagine, there were not many occasions that I would walk in to find an empty home. When I did, I cherished the peace and truly enjoyed the chance to be alone. What I cherished and enjoyed even more, however, was the knowledge that five other people would walk through the front door before the night was over.

The “alone,” I knew back then, was the relaxing feeling of a few quiet, blissful hours. The feeling of “alone,” I experienced when my husband abandoned me, was vastly different. That “alone” was panicky, empty, and lonely. Complete assurance that there would be no one walking through the front door that night, or any night thereafter.

Of course, my parents (blessings that they are) did not allow that lonely feeling to take root. They welcomed me back to a home of comfort, familiarity, and a reminder that, even in the darkest of days, I would never truly be alone. … Not with a family of 7 (hello brother-in-law!) in the vicinity, and especially not with a God who promised to never leave me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for The Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

As the hearing date for my divorce approaches, and I work toward finding a dog-friendly place of my own, I find myself viewing “alone” in another new light. … An adventure! I’m ready to find myself. To let God speak to me through the silence and stillness. To allow Him to lead me on this adventure of being alone!

My Sweet Little One

In honor of my sweet girl turning one, last week, this post is going to be all about her!

I should probably start out by saying that my baby isn’t a human baby, but a furry one. God is so good and I thank him everyday that He didn’t see fit to bring a child into the equation of my dissolving marriage. Instead, He blessed me with my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Marlo Ann.

In order to grasp just how much this little one means to me, we have to go back 21 years … to when I was 5 years old.

… I was in Kindergarden when I saw my first Cavalier. My heart grew so full of love for this gorgeous breed. I remember repeatedly asking my parents for the regal Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, but each time, their answer was a resounding, "no." (I never got the pony I asked for either …). They always said, "You can get one when you move out."

Fast forward to age 24. I got married and moved out. Finally! Finally I could have the dog of my dreams! I had great plans for this dog, my dog. (I had a lot of years to think about the details!) … I knew I wanted a female. I knew I wanted a Black and Tan (Cavaliers come in four colors: Blenheim, Tri, Black and Tan, and Ruby), and I knew what I wanted to name her.
I have an affinity for past decades – especially the 50’s and 60’s – especially Marlo Thomas and her show, "That Girl." In the show, Marlo's character was named "Ann Marie." So, it was only logical that I wanted to name my sweet, female, Black and Tan Cavalier, Marlo Ann.

Well, as you can see, my actual Marlo Ann is a Tri-colored Cavalier. But let's not get ahead of the story ….

I had all the details planned out, except for one…asking my husband if we could get a dog. Now, in the 3 years we had dated, he knew very well about my obsession with Cavaliers, so I definitely thought we could at least have a conversation about it. I thought wrong. His response was also a resounding, "No."

I was crushed. "Just give it a bit more time." I thought. "We're newlyweds, after all."
… March of 2013, we had been married for 10 months, and my husband's childhood dog (a Chocolate Lab) passed away. My husband began to look at Basset Hound breeders. Basset Hounds!?!?! I had waited nearly 20 years for a Cavalier and my husband was now looking at Basset Hounds on a whim!?! Well, I loved my husband, and my heart ached for him and the loss of his dog, so I went along with it. We found a breeder in Michigan, who had just had a litter of puppies, and picked out our precious, goofy, Watson.
Meanwhile, I began looking at Cavalier Breeders … just to see what was out there. My eyes landed on a picture of a beautiful angel, who was not black and tan, but Tri-colored. My heart and soul fell in love at first sight. I contacted the breeder to see if the little darling was still available, and held my breath until I heard back.
I received the good news, that she was indeed available, and mentally prepared to talk to my husband. Miraculously, seriously, by the grace of God, my husband agreed to let me put a deposit down and make the trip to Erie, Pennsylvania to meet her. I don't know if my husband had been planning all that time to leave me, so he really didn't care (he'd have his dog, I'd have mine) but it honestly doesn't matter … I was finally going to get my Cavalier, my sweet Marlo Ann!
It turned out that Marlo was only three days younger than Watson, so we got to bring them both home, in the same week, at the beginning of May…they were 8 weeks old.

For two months, my life and my heart were completely consumed by our two little ones.
Then, July 5, 2013, my husband took Watson and left. Marlo and I were both devastated. She began messing in the apartment, stopped eating her food, and would start running around the dining room table, waiting for Watson to chase her.
My baby girl’s confusion and heartache broke my heart even more. However, Marlo and I moved in with my parents (yes, they now have a Cavalier in their house!), away from the memories, and Marlo made a speedy transition. My four month old loved having more people to play with and the joy in her spirit truly helped renew my own joy.

People say that dogs make the best companions … I’m here to say that I have tested that statement. She’s more than a companion, she’s a comfort. I honestly believe that if it weren’t for my faith in God, my family to support me, and my precious Marlo Ann with her unconditional love, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed during those first few depressing months. She’s my beautiful little girl, my angel on Earth … my gift from God.

This past Christmas was an especially difficult and emotional time … as I’m sure all of this year’s “firsts” without my husband will be. One of my dear friends, knowing the difficult season I was in and how special Marlo is to me, sent a rather unique Christmas card my way. I just adore it and will treasure it always!
He wrote a poem and gave his permission to share it with you.
So may I present:

“The Song of Marlo Ann”

Fit the First
A wondrous dog once saved my life,
Now I’m her biggest fan –
So listen closely while I sing
The song of Marlo Ann!

Last Christmas Eve was cold and dark,
A silent night until
A howling, wintry wind did blow
Against my windowsill.

The rattle of my window pane
Awoke me from my sleep –
But not before a shady thief
Into my room did creep.

A beastly grinch with hair unkempt
Did hover o’er my bed;
His soulless paw reached deep inside,
Inside my very head.

Within his paw, he grasped a spark,
My hope of future bright;
He snarled and leapt away from there,
And vanished in the night.

Confused, I touched my aching head,
Bewildered at his ploy;
Initially, I noticed not:
The grinch had stole my joy.

The emptiness! The hollow feel!
No happiness in me!
The winter’s cold was now within,
Inside where none could see.

My joy was lost, my hope was gone,
No smile adorned my face.
They all had vanished with the grinch –
Were gone without a trace.

Yet while in my despair I wept,
A tickering began.
And then appeared a little dog –
That dog named Marlo Ann!

Fit the Second
Her claws did tick upon the floor,
Her stately paws untrimmed;
But she did hold her head up high,
Her dignity undimmed.

She yipped and yapped, and tugged at me,
So gentle in her bite,
But I, confused, stood wondering,
At this peculiar sight.

Then suddenly, I realized
What this strange dog desired:
She wanted me to follow her;
I did as she required.

Into the night she ran, I chased,
She hardly paused for me;
So eagerly she caught his scent –
His stench so sulfury.

Unto the Hocking Hills we sped,
Encount’ring buck and deer;
But racing onward, Marlo ran,
Displaying not a fear.

Across a stream and through the woods,
A wolfish eye I saw;
But Marlo scoffed, maintained her pace,
And faltered not a paw.

The snowdrifts piled high enough,
I thought that dog would sink.
But Marlo skimmed across the snow,
So fast I dared not blink.

So, onward I pursued that dog,
Until my lungs grew tight;
But even then, I ran some more,
I would not miss this fight.

And then, at last, that dog, she stopped.
She cocked her head and ear.
She growled and sniffed the ground again;
The Old Man’s Cave was near.

Fit the Third
The Old Man’s Cave was near at hand,
And there I smelled the grinch.
For sulfur filled the nightly air;
I recognized the stench.

Then suddenly, the grinch appeared –
A snarling sound he made.
I wondered if that dog would run,
But she was unafraid.

So cavalier her attitude,
Although in danger’s face;
King Charles himself would not disdain
To compliment her grace.

The grinch, he lunged, he clawed at her,
To kill her was his plan!
But she was quick and dodged away,
That dog named Marlo Ann.

An epic fight at once ensued,
A fight that none could see;
For ’twas a vicious, bloody sight,
I wished that dog would flee.

The grinch’s paw connected once,
I heard a fearful crack.
I prayed that dog would still survive,
If he had broke her back.

But Marlo Ann jumped up again,
She responded with a bite;
She chomped his throat and shook her head,
And ended thus the fight.

Defeated now, the grinch fell limp,
And then a spark arose;
My hope flew up from out his corpse,
And lit on Marlo’s nose.

It brightly shined, then flew to me;
That dog fulfilled her plan.
So joyfully I now can sing,
The Song of Marlo Ann!
– Michael B.

Marlo and I have held on to the hope, that Michael wrote about, and are truly learning to enjoy and celebrate this season of life that the two of us are sharing!

As I said, Marlo Ann turned one on March 5th, and we had a big Birthday Pawty for her on March 8th! Marlo has her own Instagram account (yes, I realize how that sounds … but you can find her at @marloanncavalier) and is on the brink of 1,000 followers. She is such a joy and I love sharing her with others. We have met some very dear friends through her account. Some of them traveled as much as 4-6 hours just to be here with us and celebrate the life of my sweet girl. So, I will close this lengthy post with a few adorable pictures from Marlo Ann’s big day:

(All pictures were taken by myself or our party guests.)

Live In The Now

My New Year’s Resolutions (if I make any) tend to be incredibly basic. Why make things difficult? Let’s give up pop for a year … and then modify it, January 2nd, to limiting ourselves to one pop a week. Ok, let’s forget the whole thing!
Sound familiar? Well, I decided to dig a bit deeper for 2014.

After what I experienced in 2013 (along with the previous 3 years), I found myself looking forward to my future. Not that there is anything wrong with that … but while looking ahead, I was forgetting to live in the “now.”
So, in an effort to make a healthy life change for the new year, I prescribed my resolution: Learn patience and to trust God for a new direction in life.
You see, I can’t make the plans for my future because God already knows what my future holds.

When I find myself looking forward to the heartache vanishing, my divorce being finalized, never hearing from my husband’s attorney again, my faith in love being restored, walking through life with someone, and knowing what being cherished feels like, my 2014 resolution holds me accountable.

It’s not that I can’t allow myself to dream and look forward to my future (I’m excited to know what God has in store for me) but I can’t avoid what is right here in my present. No matter how painful, uncomfortable, desperate, miserable, unloved, defeated (the list of emotions can go on and on) my “now” is, I have to face it.

What you are enduring, right now, is real. The pain is real. The experiences are real. The trials are real. Ignoring those trials, pretending life is grand, won’t make them go away. Facing them, knowing you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13), and living each day to the best of your ability, will build a better, stronger, experienced future you!

I’ll leave you with a couple of verses that I am claiming alongside my resolution:
– James 4:14 – “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
– Jeremiah 29:11 – “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares The Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”

Don’t miss what God has planned for your life, right now, because you are wishing for a better, brighter future.

Put One Foot In Front Of The Other

My last post ended with saying that my identity is in Christ alone. While this is 100% true, I sometimes feel as though I am struggling with who I truly am.

After my husband left, I was forced to move back in with my parents. At 26, I no longer felt like an adult making her way in the world. I felt like I had taken one giant step backwards. What made matters even worse was that I had no choice in the matter…everything I had become was being stripped away, layer by layer. I was no longer a wife, no longer independent, no longer confident, no longer wanted to be around other people, no longer able to support myself without the assistance of my parents, and no longer happy.

I began to desperately wish I could go back to the person I had been before I had even met my husband. I talked myself into believing that as soon as the divorce was finalized, I would instantaneously revert back to that person. That person was fun, enjoyed being surrounded by friends and family, traveled, and simply had fun living life. I longed for this person.

Slowly, I began to realize that this person would never return. How could she? She had experienced so much more of life during those four years of dating and marriage. These experiences, hardships, molded her into someone completely different. The ocean might think, “That wave was so beautiful, if only it could return every day.” That same wave never will…the wind will constantly reshape it…the same way that God is constantly reshaping me.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” While I was making plans that involved my husband and our future, life happened. The good news is, while you’re still on this Earth, life will continue to happen!

There are always going to be bumps in the road as we stumble to find our way. The question is, are you going to trip and fall, let that bump steal your joy, peace, and happiness? Or will you choose to let God use that bump to reshape you, carry you on a new path, restore your joy, peace, and happiness, and look forward to new experiences?

All you have to do is be willing to put one foot in front of the other … God will show you the way.